Immense love....

As I prepare to be a mommy for the second time, I think about my little Isaiah. Not only will my life be changing but his life will be changing also. He will no longer be our only child and he will soon become a big brother! I worry about how he will react and how he will feel. I want him to know that our love for him will not change and never will. He has been so loving during the pregnancy that it comforts me. I can tell he loves Nicholas or as he calls him, "Mick-us", and he will be a caring big brother. I also think about my love for Nicholas. It sounds silly, but my love for Isaiah is just so immense, could I love another human being just as much!? It's simply amazing to be a mother and it brings tears to my eyes (happy tears!) knowing that I could love with all my heart so unconditionally. It is a blessing to be a woman and be able to feel the miracle of life forming in my belly. Incredible! Moreover, Isaiah and Nicholas will have all the love in the world, not just from us but from our extended family. The love that exists among our family is beautiful and I am beyond grateful for their love and support. This will be the love that Isaiah and Nicholas will know and have for each other.

As my pregnancy comes to it's final days/weeks, I will soak up the wonderful feeling of his movement in my belly and and hope to always remember just how beautiful it is to bring a lovely and perfect being into the world. 

10 year anniversary of 9/11

I can't believe it's already been ten years since the attacks on 9/11. It feels like just yesterday I was waking up to see on the news something you would have seen on a movie. I'm sure everyone remembers exactly what they were doing the day of 9/11. I stood there watching the T.V. in shock and disbelief. This couldn't be happening, right!? It's not real. But sadly it was real and so many lives were lost. So many questions went through my head. How could anyone be so evil!? Don't they know those people all had families and kids and people who loved them. How could someone be so heartless!? It became a huge reminder that many types of people roam this world, including the harmful and malicious people.
It's hard for me to watch any shows dealing with 9/11 without me shedding tears. I was 3000 miles away when it happened and nobody I know was killed or hurt in the attacks, but still it hurts to know that so many innocent people lost their lives. But from such horrific events came hope, unity, and many ordinary people became heroes. I hate to say it but it's true that what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. The proof starts September 11, 2001 and continues on to this day.
Ironically, I truly believe that from all that evil came some good. Some people became more patriotic and brave, others more patient and compassionate towards strangers. Myself, I learned that life is a gift. You never know when your last day on earth will be, so I learned also not to take anything for granted. As 9/11 approaches I keep those who lost their lives in my thoughts and prayers and give thanks to the many heroes that arose that day and weeks and months after 9/11, including the military men and women who went on to fight for our freedom in the middle east. May God bless America.

Brave Brennan....

About a month ago I read an article online about a young boy with cancer. His name is Brennan and his dream is to be a part of the Army and his wish came true on his tenth birthday. It was such an uplifting story so that day I "liked" his page on Facebook called Brennan's Brigade. Today,  I was browsing through the pictures on his page and wow this young man is truly inspiring. I had tears in my eyes just thinking of all the treatments this little boy has gone through in his young life. But in his pictures I can see a little twinkle in his eyes. I can tell his life is so much more than pain, treatments, doctors, and hospitals. He is a brave and courageous boy and at 10 years old  has already done so much more than the average person. Seeing him live life to the fullest reminds me that every single second of life should not be take for granted. All the little things I complain about day-to-day just seem so petty now. He doesn't let the cancer get in his way of enjoying his childhood. Brennan has cancer but cancer definitely does not have him. The enthusiasm and high-spirits of Brennan and the many children who are fighting cancer are an inspiration to my life. They are a blessing to have in this world.

My pot of gold....

I recently received a phone call from a friend of mine that I hadn't spoken to in months. It was a very nice surprise. It made me feel special knowing that she had been thinking about me. And I also received a text message from another friend that lives on the other side of the country. In her text she said she just wanted to make sure we were doing well and that we were missed. That just brought a BIG smile to my face. I think it is so sweet to receive unexpected calls, letters, visits or even texts. It is so easy to go about your day and be consumed with work, chores, errands, etc. I find myself thinking about what I am going to do later in the day, later in the week or even in future months. I forget to simply live in the moment. The past couple of years I have attempted to remind myself to really live in the present moment. Sometimes it's easy but sometimes it's easy to forget. I have learned that it is a learning process. So in recent months, when someone pops into my mind I really make an effort to get in contact with them. In this day in age, there really is no excuse to not staying in contact with friends and family. There are so many ways to maintain communication. Sometimes I write a letter telling the person they were in my thoughts that day or I'll send a text just to say hello. Sometimes I'll even make a phone call, which is something I rarely do. But I know that a phone call, especially an unexpected one, can be a nice, thoughtful gesture. Afterall, life is short. I want to make sure that all the people I care about know they are my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

To smile or not to smile....

There's days when I go out to run errands and run into people who just look so grumpy. I give them a smile and sometimes even say hello, but in return I get the evil eye or simply get ignored. At first I would get a little upset. I mean, why am I smiling at these strangers who aren't even going to appreciate a kind gesture? So I then stopped making eye contact with strangers so that I can stop giving my "free smiles" away. But honestly it's tough not to make eye contact with people. And when I really thought about it, my solution to the whole situation was kind of childish. Someone won't smile at me so I won't smile at them was just plain silly and immature. I thought of reasons why people wouldn't smile and thought of so many! They could be stressed, having marital problems, having financial problems, facing a medical issue or dealing with a loss/death, the list goes on and on. At that point I put myself in the shoes of all those strangers and really empathized. It wasn't that they didn't want to smile at me, it was that they couldn't put on a smile with all that was going through their minds. Of course, some people are naturally just grumpy all the time and some are all smiles all the time, but I think everyone deserves a little smile to brighten up their day or to brighten it up even more. I now continue to smile at random strangers, even knowing that I may not get a smile in return. Who knows, maybe that one smile I give could be infectious and give a stranger inspiration to pass it along!

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." -Mark Twain

Being a mommy....

So, I have been a mommy now for 7 months and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I love my little guy and really enjoy watching him grow. It is amazing to see how much he learns everyday. And of course seeing him smile just lights up my day. I have my hands full being a stay-at-home mom and I only have one child. When a difficult day confronts me, I think about how easy I have it compared to single moms who work and go to
school. It is amazing the strength and determination those women have. But I truly understand their drive. A mom only wants what is best for their child or children. People always told me, before I had a child, how wonderful motherhood is, but I never really grasped the connection until I had my little guy. Now I understand it completely. Being a mommy is wonderful, life-changing, exciting, difficult, frustrating, rewarding, and priceless. Seeing this little human being, who is a part of me and who grew inside of me, reminds me how beautiful life is. He is my inspiration to become a better person each and every day.

Military Heroes.....

Today there is a fundraising event to raise money for the Veteran's Wall of Valor in downtown Bakersfield (my hometown). It will honor local fallen heroes. I find that it is so important that these brave men and women never be forgotten. I once was a military wife and met many people who served our country. Thankfully those we knew well always made it back home safely after a deployment. Not a day goes by that I don't think about all the soldiers who are currently deployed and defending our country. And their families should not be overlooked either. Military families may not be deployed, but their hearts are. They are our country's silent heroes. So as we continue to live our busy and hectic lives, take a minute to think about all the sacrifices soldiers and their families have made for our country.

“The soldier, above all other people, prays for peace, for he must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war.”- Douglas MacArthur